The War Within

The other night, I was awakened out of my sleep by a nightmare. It's a new one, but I saw it in every layer of my sleep. In the deep sleep, the medium level, and the sleep that is somewhat awake. All the same type of dream.

I was being attacked, I was in my family home, I called for my dad to help me and protect me, and whenever I "felt safe" again. The attacks would come again, but under a new form. To the point where, in my dream, my own dad started to hurt me.

This is when I had finally awakened.

I felt hurt, I was calling out to the Lord to protect my sleep. I quoted scripture that had protected my sleep before, but I was still having trouble with the nightmares.

I then went to quote James 4:7 a verse I memorized to the point I had forgotten where it actually resided.

It reads: “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”‭‭ James‬ ‭4‬:‭7‬ ‭KJV‬

However, in my terror, I misquoted the scripture and said James 4:9. This is exactly what the Lord wanted me to do in this moment. Because, when I went to pull up the scripture in the Bible, I was so confused, I wasn't greeted with the familiar words I was used to. But rather this instead: “Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.”‭‭James‬ ‭4‬:‭9‬ ‭ESV

These words weren't anywhere related. So I paused and decided to read the full chapter.

And that's when it was revealed to me...“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”?”‭‭James‬ ‭4‬:‭1‬-‭5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The War within, my spirit was/is at war with the passions I have allowed to enter into my life. From the music, TV shows, what I allow to be entertained by social media, my self-talk/tongue. All have been choosing the world. And to be friends with the world is to be in enmity (the state of being actively opposed or hostile to someone or something) with God.

So, pretty much as I chose my selfish passions, I was choosing to be in rebellion to my Heavenly Father, my protector and provider.

And he revealed that to me through the Word, I was reading after the nightmares. I thank the Lord for revealing this, through his spirit, but I am sorry it got to this point.

Through my passions, I am living a double life. Indulging in things I know doesn't bring glory to God. So I repent of those things.

And I can fully submit to God...“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”‭‭James‬ ‭4‬:‭7‬-‭10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

And as I humbly repent, the Lord will in return exalt me, not for me to get the glory. But for God to get all the glory and the honor and the praise!

Hallelujah, thank you, Jesus.